There is no such thing as tasteful wallpaper.
A jobseeker goes for an interview and gets called back.
“Really? You’d like to give me the job? Why? I mean thank you! … Hello…? Hello…?”
[Office team leader Derrick stops by the cubicle of team leader Colin for a quick chat.]
Derrick: “The way you never overwork your team is commendable, it really is.”
Colin: “Why, thank you.”
D: “Yes, I would be surprised if any team member of yours ever worked past five o’clock or started before nine.”
C: “Well, I try to maintain the outlook that we’re all entitled to a life outside of work. No need for our day jobs to dictate who we are.”
D: “Quite right. And, of course, mandatory hour-long lunch breaks. While everyone else eats and goes to the bathroom in under twenty-five minutes, getting back to work and getting the job done, you and your team are practically napping after a four-course buffet.”
C: “Well, I think there may be some embellishments there. Nothing wrong with taking what’s entitled to you.”
D: “Yes, quite…it’s simply that I doubt any of your team would be quick to go the extra mile, if it were so required.”
C: “On the contrary! It’s my belief that if you treat your staff agreeably and show that you respect their right to a life then you’ll find them far more responsive and giving when the company’s under pressure.”
D: “Well, I’d like to see that some time – going the extra mile or even just a few additional inches.”
C: [coughs] “Arsehole.” [coughs]
D: “I’m sorry. What was that?”
C: “I said ‘it ain’t half cold’. Someone should go look at the thermostat.”
D: “I’ll have one of my team look at it right away. I’m sure their lunchbreak has long ended. Tally-ho!”
C: “Bye, Derrick.”
D: “See you!”
In the future, ‘marine biology’ will not be known as the study of ocean organisms, but the design and creation of tailor made, lab-grown foot soldiers.